Sorry.

All in all, things are going great. I live in St. George now and I love it. I feel really detached from my old life, as though it doesn't exist anymore. It makes me a little bit sad but only if I think about it, which I try not to. Work and hanging out with Holden have been keeping me pretty busy. I also have really enjoyed having time to organize my house and clean up. I decided I love cleaning the house. I attribute that to my job, where we clean things constantly and so, if anything, that job is valuable because it has taught me how to like cleaning.

I don't know what to do with myself. How Holden puts up with me I will never understand. I always have to have things my way, and I am ridiculously indecisive and picky. For example yesterday I was starving, and I wanted pizza, but he wanted me to eat food at his parents house. And they had this chicken salad that had celery (gag) in it. I took one bite and spit it out and refused to eat it. Embarrassing him in front of his mom. Then he said we should get pizza. So we went out to my car to leave but then I couldn't decide if I still wanted pizza. And I was starting to not be hungry anymore. Then his mom came out and told us to eat a sandwich, and he said ok! And I didn't want one, and I was really tired. So I started to fall asleep at the kitchen table til he dragged me over to the couch. We sat there and after like 5 minutes he said we should go get pizza. Which I didn't even want anymore. We ended up just going over to Steve's house without eating. The point of this story? Wow, Emily is a jerk, how could anyone ever put up with that crap?

Some people think I am over-protective of Holden. I will neither affirm or deny this because I don't know if I am or not. Probably I am though because it sounds like something I would do. I already have a hundred other insecurities, let's add this one to the list. I do know that there isn't a good reason for me to be protective of him because he would never cheat on me.

You all know how wonderful Holden is at this point. He is such a sweetheart, and he stands by me through everything. I love him so much. What a good person. All I can hope is that he continues to be so non-judgemental of me. This blog seems really negative but it's not meant to be. I just feel sick today and feel really bad for the way I treated Holden last night.