Another 50 list

Life is so good. Here are 50 of the things that I am grateful for at the moment!

1. The job that I have. Not only is it a fun and rewarding experience to be at work, but I don't have any financial worries because of it.

2. Summer. I feel so happy and carefree not having to worry about school.

3. My WONDERFUL boyfriend and all that he does for me. I love Holden.

4. My condo and the location of it.

5. The fact that I can always just walk a few feet from my doorstep and hop into the pool.

6. Holden went to my parent's house and had a little chat with my dad yesterday.

7. The Lakers were pwned in the game last night. Go Denver!

8. Gary and Jann Green invited me over for dinner on Sunday, which meant a lot to me even though I couldn't make it.

9. My car even if it is really dirty and you get hot riding around in it, it is such a great car and runs smoothly.

10. I had a bit of a rough weekend, but things have smoothed out, thanks to Holden.

11. Frazils, could there be a better icy beverage?

12. I scheduled a doctor's appointment today, which was scary.

13. Next Thursday I will be at my Aunt's house in San Diego! With the one I love!

14. Beth Green is such a sweet sister in law and she is going to be a mom, which will make me an aunt soon!

15. I am not scared of needles. Thus, I can make extra money giving my plasma away.

16. The roses that Holden and his dad always give me from their yard.

17. Brooke Williams just started working with me, and occasionally our schedules match up so we can car pool, which I love!

18. My littlest sister who broke both bones in her arm but talked to me the next day and said she was fine.

19. Holden's ability to play anything on the piano.

20. The price of gas is still (relatively) low. (Compared to last summer at 4.20$)

21. Watching Bride Wars with Holden, who hates chick flicks, and his mom who loves them.

22. I haven't messed up my life with drugs or alcohol. Working with teenage girls who have makes me realize how lucky I have been.

23. I can see the temple out my front window and it is so beautiful.

24. Holden's cemetery experience on Sunday.

25. My parents, I know they love me, and they respect my decisions.

26. Friends and family who come to visit me in St. George.

27. New friends that I have made in St. George.

28. My best friend is going to have a baby, so by the time I finally have kids, she will know everything about it and can help me through it.

29. Kelly Jewelers for having a ring that I love.

30. Facebook, for keeping me connected to everyone I have ever met, and letting me lurk everyone's lives.

31. Going to Brian Regan earlier this month. He never ever gets old.

32. My jacuzzi bath tub.

33. The upcoming family reunion! I love my extended family!

34. The gospel in my life. I know it is true, and have found someone to spend my life with who will live it with me.

35. I get to go to church this Sunday!

36. August 8th.

37. Tonight I get to relax with my sweetie.

38. Holden likes short hair. I am so happy I don't have to have long hair for the rest of my life!

39. I'm going to groom dogs on Thursday, it makes me not miss my doggies so much.

40. Both of my dogs are doing really well in their new homes.

41. My knowledge of life after death, and that families can be together forever.

42. I finally know how to play chess.

43. Holden's birthday is next Saturday.

44. Radioactive dishwasher movies. The first time I saw Holden.

45. The washer and dryer at my new house are huge, and I can wash way more clothes than I could at my old place.

46. The five days in a row that I had off of work last week.

47. I am not in financial debt.

48. Living so close to the mall and other places to shop.

49. The Green family home videos, and seeing Holden as a baby.

50. Future events which I am super excited for!

Sorry.

All in all, things are going great. I live in St. George now and I love it. I feel really detached from my old life, as though it doesn't exist anymore. It makes me a little bit sad but only if I think about it, which I try not to. Work and hanging out with Holden have been keeping me pretty busy. I also have really enjoyed having time to organize my house and clean up. I decided I love cleaning the house. I attribute that to my job, where we clean things constantly and so, if anything, that job is valuable because it has taught me how to like cleaning.

I don't know what to do with myself. How Holden puts up with me I will never understand. I always have to have things my way, and I am ridiculously indecisive and picky. For example yesterday I was starving, and I wanted pizza, but he wanted me to eat food at his parents house. And they had this chicken salad that had celery (gag) in it. I took one bite and spit it out and refused to eat it. Embarrassing him in front of his mom. Then he said we should get pizza. So we went out to my car to leave but then I couldn't decide if I still wanted pizza. And I was starting to not be hungry anymore. Then his mom came out and told us to eat a sandwich, and he said ok! And I didn't want one, and I was really tired. So I started to fall asleep at the kitchen table til he dragged me over to the couch. We sat there and after like 5 minutes he said we should go get pizza. Which I didn't even want anymore. We ended up just going over to Steve's house without eating. The point of this story? Wow, Emily is a jerk, how could anyone ever put up with that crap?

Some people think I am over-protective of Holden. I will neither affirm or deny this because I don't know if I am or not. Probably I am though because it sounds like something I would do. I already have a hundred other insecurities, let's add this one to the list. I do know that there isn't a good reason for me to be protective of him because he would never cheat on me.

You all know how wonderful Holden is at this point. He is such a sweetheart, and he stands by me through everything. I love him so much. What a good person. All I can hope is that he continues to be so non-judgemental of me. This blog seems really negative but it's not meant to be. I just feel sick today and feel really bad for the way I treated Holden last night.